We’re so often told to ‘seize the moment’. To just live in the now. Forget the past, don’t consider the future. Just carpe diem shit. But what about when it comes to love? Do we always need a happily-ever-after?
The thing is... whether in a committed relationship or married, a happily-ever-after is never guaranteed. When I went to the divorce court four years ago (truly, a lovely experience), there was a man getting divorced after 55 years of marriage. It really struck me as I couldn’t understand, why now? Maybe he finally got the courage to seize the day and he chose singledom at 80. Watch out Tinder gals, he’s coming for you…
But when we find ourselves in a lovely relationship that is, ultimately, temporary for a plethora of reasons, say because he’s planning to move abroad in the next few months, she’s just not interested in having kids, while he’s desperate to fulfil his lifelong dream of becoming a house husband, and on and on - we so often choose to end the union because of the ‘no future here’ element.
But should we? Couldn’t we just choose to take every day as it comes? I love him now, so why end things? I’m currently where I want to be and feeling how I want to feel, SO WHY won’t my brain allow me to carpe damn this relationship?
Because we are our past and our future when it comes to love.
There are times when we allow ourselves to just live in the now. You eat that 10 000-calorie burger, kiss a stranger (Yay, COVID doesn’t exist!) or you spend almost half of your monthly income buying second-hand clothing or furniture or, most likely, jewellery in my case.
These risks are manageable, and you can recover from these ‘setbacks’ fairly quickly. But because we’ve always been taunted by the idea that you should end up in a committed, stable, long-term relationship it is so often seen as failing when we aren’t in a relationship that has a future.
Never mind if you’re happy at the moment with someone, you’re working for the UN, have two very lucrative side hustles, have excellent gut health, are TikTok famous and have a thriving plant collection that you nurture like your own children!
You suck.
Should you risk giving up loving someone intensely for two years in the hope that you’ll meet someone else who can offer you longevity, all the while crossing fingers and toes that you won’t end up in that damp, smelly Cape Town divorce court at 80 years old?
You have to decide what works for you as there really is no blueprint for how to love someone. For many couples, not having a future together is not something they feel subtracts from their relationship, rather it’s something that’s simply not even considered.
Cheers to a happily-ever-now for those who choose to drink from vintage champagne flutes overflowing with rebranded #relationshipgoals.
The thing is... whether in a committed relationship or married, a happily-ever-after is never guaranteed. When I went to the divorce court four years ago (truly, a lovely experience), there was a man getting divorced after 55 years of marriage. It really struck me as I couldn’t understand, why now? Maybe he finally got the courage to seize the day and he chose singledom at 80. Watch out Tinder gals, he’s coming for you…
But when we find ourselves in a lovely relationship that is, ultimately, temporary for a plethora of reasons, say because he’s planning to move abroad in the next few months, she’s just not interested in having kids, while he’s desperate to fulfil his lifelong dream of becoming a house husband, and on and on - we so often choose to end the union because of the ‘no future here’ element.
But should we? Couldn’t we just choose to take every day as it comes? I love him now, so why end things? I’m currently where I want to be and feeling how I want to feel, SO WHY won’t my brain allow me to carpe damn this relationship?
Because we are our past and our future when it comes to love.
There are times when we allow ourselves to just live in the now. You eat that 10 000-calorie burger, kiss a stranger (Yay, COVID doesn’t exist!) or you spend almost half of your monthly income buying second-hand clothing or furniture or, most likely, jewellery in my case.
These risks are manageable, and you can recover from these ‘setbacks’ fairly quickly. But because we’ve always been taunted by the idea that you should end up in a committed, stable, long-term relationship it is so often seen as failing when we aren’t in a relationship that has a future.
Never mind if you’re happy at the moment with someone, you’re working for the UN, have two very lucrative side hustles, have excellent gut health, are TikTok famous and have a thriving plant collection that you nurture like your own children!
You suck.
Should you risk giving up loving someone intensely for two years in the hope that you’ll meet someone else who can offer you longevity, all the while crossing fingers and toes that you won’t end up in that damp, smelly Cape Town divorce court at 80 years old?
You have to decide what works for you as there really is no blueprint for how to love someone. For many couples, not having a future together is not something they feel subtracts from their relationship, rather it’s something that’s simply not even considered.
Cheers to a happily-ever-now for those who choose to drink from vintage champagne flutes overflowing with rebranded #relationshipgoals.
