I have not been able to write anything I like lately and have attempted to write this article every day for a week now. Instead of trying to salvage anything, which at this point feels like the writing equivalent of trying to slap some BB cream on Freddy Krueger, I’ll just share some of my attempts to just get it done. I hope that my tries and starts will be somewhat entertaining like eavesdropping when you’re bored.
- I planned to write about Headspace’s Soundscapes. I couldn’t even commit to writing about Headspace’s meditations — that would be an obvious lie. I wrote about 500 words and they weren’t terrible but they also as it so happens weren’t true. See, this was my plan; I’d write about how I enjoy listening to the Soundscapes described as ‘3D recordings from the world’s loveliest places’ while doing my skincare, but the truth is I only really do this sometimes and even then I’m not convinced it’s any better than blaring CNN and 90 Day Fiancé at the same time. Peace, it has become apparent, cannot be cajoled despite my most Goop-y intentions. I have looked at this Jacquemus shirt on SSENSE every day since lockdown started.
- What is true? I still do my skincare every day, twice a day, despite the fact that I barely leave my room, let alone leave the house. I have even been known to do a cat-eye just because I really do look better with eyeliner. I like this YouTube channel for makeup tutorials that I will probably never try. I sometimes really do listen to Headspace, and sometimes it really does makes me feel better. I also try to listen to new albums while I pace around the lounge and massage Bio-Oil into my forehead and cheeks. The Strokes new one is so good and Yves Tumor has been a pleasant surprise.
- I’m wholly dodging any ambitions to turn this lockdown into a budget-version wellness retreat. I have instead settled on the timid hope that I can be a little bit happy every day. Often even this is a stretch. I have spent so much time sulking. In some sense, sulking is nostalgic for me. It reminds me of when I was a teenager reading Mizz magazine instead of doing my homework. I watched this Vogue GRWM with this girl from Riverdale and it’s insane. She does 38 steps of skincare. Her parents are South African. Both of these facts in isolation are juicy but together (in lieu of IRL gossip) they’re utterly mesmerizing.
- Yesterday I ate a whole packet of Woolworth’s shortbread after I had taken a screenshot of @desiremarea’s recipe on Twitter fully cognizant that I have absolutely no desire to bake anything right now. The TikTok algorithm has realised that I like skincare and so now I’m Googling ‘gua sha’ a lot and wondering if I should get Botox (again) once this is all over.
- I slept until 2pm and I was so excited that half the day was gone. I got an argan body oil from The Body Shop before lockdown and have decided to oil myself up like Grace Jones in that famous Island Life album cover just because it seems like something different to do.
All of this is just a roundabout way of saying I might not be a little bit happy every day but I am trying a little bit every day, even if that only extends to oiling my knees to resemble freshly baked chelsea buns, and that’s gotta count for something.